Round two of (b)OINK the Intern is here. We had to convince him to come out of the corner after quite a bit of reassurance that everything was going to be ok.


What’s the best way to repurpose a pair of love cuffs gathering dust?

Well, there are a few options. The one that came to mind right away was “BECOME A POLICE PERSON.” I mean, how ridiculous would it be to get arrested with a pair of handcuffs that are probably slightly crusty and also neon pink (or green, or whatever—I don’t feel like they’re ever NOT neon). Just think about clamping those around a wrist, watching the person feel something weird and a little crunchy providing an interesting counterpoint to soft neon-ness. “What is that?” they ask with a tremulous voice.

And then, that’s when you lean in and whisper, “Your reward.”


You could hang potted plants with them.


What was your first job (tell me about it)?

My first job was odd. I taught karate to daycare kids. I drove around and would do half hour classes at (what felt like) a million different centers. I taught a lot of karate and learned how to act incredibly excited and happy on cue. It was a lot of fun, the best birth control ever, and it taught me about dealing with strange situations. (What would you do if one kid runs out of the room, another has wet their pants, and yet another is trying really hard to put a toy car in their ear?) It was an experience that helps me to this day, as well as drove home the concept that kids are hilarious, weird, little creatures.


How would you kill God?

So, this is something I’ve been writing about. Sort of. That probably makes me sound weird. There’s a theory I’ve heard that assumes belief is the sustaining force of all gods. As in, it’s what they need to survive, thrive, and continue to omnipotate (that’s the new verb form of omnipotence FYI). So if you slowly change the focus of the belief from the actual Deity to, say, the trappings and ceremony associated with the Deity. The Deity will slowly fade away as the belief is now being channeled toward something else.

Though the devout truly believe in their worship, it’s no longer focused on what it needs to be. So, an emphasis on status, punishment, and the general “class” of the religious institution would slowly create a fear and respect of said institution, rather than the Deity it represents, leading to a shift of faith and eventual loss of Deity.

The other option I really like is just throwing Oreos at everyone and screaming, “WHERE’S YOUR GOD NOW?!?!”


Have you ever shoplifted, and if so what did you steal?

Never intentionally. However, there was one time I accidentally stole a plunger from Wal-Mart. A roommate and I had just moved into a new place during college and had to do the whole go-buy-everything-we-threw-away-because-it-was-gross run at Wal-Mart. We had a stack of stuff in the cart, and the plunger on the bottom rack (I guess it wouldn’t fit anywhere else?) We checked out, paying for all the other items, and it was in the parking lot I found the plunger and almost went running back to buy the $5 item.

But I didn’t.

And the guilt haunts me to this day.


Thanks for all the great questions! Keep them coming and I’ll keep on answering!


Apprentice (b)OINKer

Corwin Holzman

Corwin Holzman

Corwin Holzman is the intern. He is pursuing an MA in writing as well as running a Milwaukee karate school, competing in martial arts, and driving quite a bit. He also blogs about his adventures and thoughts here.
Corwin Holzman

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