Hello, fellow (b)OINKers and (b)OINKettes!

Welcome to the inauguration of our “Ask the Intern” section. We asked all you fine little piggies to provide us with some questions for our intern. And my, did you ever deliver. The intern is going to field several per post and continue to do so in the upcoming weeks. We are always looking for more questions. Please make them as rude, ridiculous, and (b)OINK appropriate as possible.

Here we go!

Question 1: “When do you think I should mention my need to be roughed up and dominated during sex to someone I’m dating?”

Not right away upon meeting (unless it’s a sub/dom support group). I would say it’s a second date conversation? It could go longer, depending on the individuals involved. But I would make sure to announce it at some point before the actual deed itself. I feel like pumping your brakes mid-intercourse with “Oh, wait. Before you/I go any deeper…stick this ball gag in my mouth and tie me to these conveniently located D-rings.” Might come as a shock to those with a more closed worldview.

Maybe you could try some subtle clues? Handcuffs, gimp suits, and riding crops tastefully decorating the bedroom? Just to give a general idea of the type of activities that may be up and coming.

Question 2: “What should my Tinder bio say?”

Cavernously open and seeking.

Question 3: “Is balloon animal artistry a sustainable career?”

Only if you like children. And possibly animals. There is the outside chance that you’ll be one of those weird balloon artist people that get called to quirky parties to perform for really drunk people (Is that a thing? I’m making it a thing.). Which really just means you’re going to be making big penises for people to wear on their heads. So, basically, you’re only going to be successful if you can make really big weiners. Extra points if you can make them all corkscrew-ey in honor of (b)OINK.

Question 4: “Who do you like better, Rob or Robert? BE HONEST.”


And that’s a wrap on our first “Ask the Intern.”

He looked like he had fun. He’s just kinda sitting in the corner and rocking gently right now. He’ll be fine.

Send us more questions!

Corwin Holzman

Corwin Holzman

Corwin Holzman is the intern. He is pursuing an MA in writing as well as running a Milwaukee karate school, competing in martial arts, and driving quite a bit. He also blogs about his adventures and thoughts here.
Corwin Holzman

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